This is one of those things where you know the odds are not always in your favour, but it still stings anyway.

The SSHRC CGS-D is a prestigious 3-year scholarship that covers 40k a year for tuition and stipend. Now, this is not something I necessarily need, given that UofT’s funding policy for PhD students matches this same amount. However, as part of our program, we are all expected to apply for these scholarships. This CGS-D has multiple stages – it has to first pass the department, before moving to the School of Graduate Studies at UofT, and then to Ottawa, where the bigger SSHRC body assesses all applications.

Applications were due in October last year, and I found out that I didn’t make the final cut yesterday, April 29, 2026. Joining a group of panicky redditors, I was constantly refreshing my emails and playing out both scenarios in my head all the time until I finally got the rejection email.

This is a reminder that academia is brutal. Not because it’s harsh (though the second reviewer in publications live up to this reputation) but the constant rejections are not always easy to stomach, especially as a 30+ year old. Yet, it thickens one’s skin to just brush this off and apply for the next big thing. I want to take this moment to stay with this rejection but also appreciate the people in my life (my PhD mates, my friends in Toronto and Singapore, my family, and definitely my supervisor) who have shown nothing but kind, encouraging support through this period.

I also want to highlight a quote my supervisor sent me after learning about my rejection:

To sitting with disappointment temporarily, and pressing on!